Funny man and women

Not My Kind Of Date

WebComics — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 02:35:25 +0000

A cop stops his police car when he sees a couple sitting on the curb. The chap is laying on his side with his trousers pulled down, the girl has her finger in his asshole, and she’s reaming away with a vengeance. The cop says, “What the hell is going on here? The girl says, “This is my date. When I told him I wouldn’t spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze.

Now, he’s too drunk to drive me home, so I’m trying to sober him up by making him puke. The cop says, “That’s not gonna make him puke. She says, “Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth.”

Michael Jackson

WebComics — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 14:35:25 +0000

Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks: “Doctor, how long before we can have sex? The doctor replies, “I’d wait until he’s at least 14.”

Starwars Sex Quotes

WebComics — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 20:35:25 +0000

I don’t care what you smell! Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time? Put that thing away before you get us all killed. You’ve got something jammed in here real good. Aren’t you a little short for a storm-trooper?

You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought. Sorry about the mess. Look at the size of that thing! Curse my metal body, I wasn’t fast enough!

She may not look like much, but she’s got it where it counts, kid. I thought that hairy beast would be the end of me. Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you? There’s an awful lot of moisture in here.

But now we must eat. Come, good food, come. That’s okay, I’d like to keep it on manual control for a while. Hurry up, golden-rod. I must’ve hit it pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh kid?

Possible he came in through the south entrance. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside! Control, control! You must learn control! Hey, point that thing someplace else.

I look forward to completing your training. In time you will call me master. I never knew I had it in me. There is good in him, I’ve felt it. Hey, Luke, thanks for coming after me — now I owe you one.

Back door, huh? Good idea! She’s gonna blow! I think you’ll fit in nicely. Rise, my friend.

Wedge! Pull out! You’re not doing any good back there!’

Three Whores

WebComics — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 20:35:25 +0000

Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other. After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves. The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger. The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, “You didn’t leave an outline.

She says, “Smell the rim.”

The Man And His Doctor

WebComics — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 02:35:25 +0000

Man goes to the doctor and says “I’ve got a huge hole in my ass” The doctors says “drop your pants, bend over and let have a look”. Fuck me! says the doctor ” what could have made a hole as big as that? Patient replies, “I’ve just got really fucked by an elephant”. The doctor says “An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous”.

Patient replies “He fingered me first”.

Two Necrophilliacs

WebComics — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 02:35:25 +0000

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, “You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she’d been there for three weeks. Man, I’m tellin’ you, her clit was just like a pickle. What,” the other asks, “green?

No,” says the first, ” a bit sour.”

First Time

WebComics — Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:35:25 +0000

A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, “Am I the first man you ever made love to? She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. You might be,” she says. Your face looks familiar.”

How To Sell

WebComics — Sun, 11 Jul 2010 20:35:25 +0000

A new sales assistant was hired at a large dept. store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in and said, “Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?

The customer replied, “I guess so. I’ll take one. And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer? Um, okay. Here’s a couple of bags.

You’ll also need a lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long. I’ll take one of those too. After the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant. You see? he said, “that’s the way to make a good sale.

Always sell more than what the customer originally came in for. Impressed, the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in and asked, “I’d like to buy a pack of Tampax, please. Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower too? Why would I want to do that?

Well, your weekend’s shot to hell anyway, so you might as well mow the lawn.”

Ten Thousand Dollars

WebComics — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 20:35:25 +0000

One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor’s house, he knocked and waited.

The husband, a large, burly man, opened the door. Excuse me,” our man stammered, “but I couldn’t help noticing how beautiful your wife is. Yeah? So? his hulking neighbor replied.

Well, in particular, I am really struck by how beautiful her breasts are. I would gladly pay you ten thousand dollars if I could kiss those breasts. The burly gorilla was about to deck our poor guy when his wife appeared and stopped him. She pulled him inside and they discussed the offer for a few moments. Finally, they returned and asked our friend to step inside.

OK,” the husband said gruffly, “for ten thousand dollars you can kiss my wife’s tits. At this the wife unbuttoned her blouse, and the twin objects of desire hung free at last. Our man took one in each hand, and proceeded to rub his face against them in total ecstasy. This went on for several minutes, until the husband got annoyed. Well, come on already, kiss ‘em!

he growled. I can’t,” replied our awe-struck hero, still nuzzling away. Why not? demanded the husband, getting really angry now. I don’t have ten thousand dollars.”

Premature Ejaculation Problems

WebComics — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 08:35:25 +0000

One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor. The doctor said, “Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself. So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it.

When he felt the urge he fired the pistol. The next day he went to the doctor and the doctor asked him how it went He said, “Not to good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up, naked.”