I don’t care what you smell! Luke, at that speed do you think you’ll be able to pull out in time? Put that thing away before you get us all killed. You’ve got something jammed in here real good. Aren’t you a little short for a storm-trooper?
Three whores decide to see who has the biggest snatch. They get naked, and start fingering themselves and each other. After a few minutes, the first one squats on a glass top table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves. The second one then squats on the table, and then they measure the slimy outline she leaves, which is even bigger. The third one squats on the table, but when she stands back up, the first whore says, “You didn’t leave an outline.
Man goes to the doctor and says “I’ve got a huge hole in my ass” The doctors says “drop your pants, bend over and let have a look”. Fuck me! says the doctor ” what could have made a hole as big as that? Patient replies, “I’ve just got really fucked by an elephant”. The doctor says “An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous”.
Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, “You should have seen this woman they brought in last week. They pulled her out of the water after she’d been there for three weeks. Man, I’m tellin’ you, her clit was just like a pickle. What,” the other asks, “green?
A man picks up a young woman in a bar and convinces her to come back to his hotel. When they are relaxing afterwards, he asks, “Am I the first man you ever made love to? She looks at him thoughtfully for a second before replying. You might be,” she says. Your face looks familiar.”
A new sales assistant was hired at a large dept. store. On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section, when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales manager stepped in and said, “Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to water your lawn?
One day this fellow noticed that a new couple had moved into the house next door. He was also quick to notice that the woman liked to sunbathe in the backyard, usually in a skimpy bikini that showed off a magnificent pair of breasts. He made it a point to water and trim his lawn as much as possible, hoping for yet another look. Finally, he could stand it no more. Walking to the front door of the new neighbor’s house, he knocked and waited.
One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor. The doctor said, “Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself. So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it.
Steve is shopping for a new motorcycle. He finally finds one for a great price, but its missing a seal, so whenever it rains he has to smear Vaseline over the spot where the seal should be. Anyway, his girlfriend is having him over for dinner to meet her parents. He drives his new bike to her house, where she is outside waiting for him. No matter what happens at dinner tonight, don’t say a word,” She tells him,” Our family had a fight a while ago about doing dishes.
John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.
